Double Mint Gum
by Dragoon-sama
Summary: Karkat should know better than to mess with machines, however broken they appear. Sollux isn't all that upset at the results.


**Double Mint Gum  
**By Dragoon-sama

Chapter 01: Wherein things explode.

* * *

"Sollux!"

The name came out strangled, its owner choking on the acrid smoke that poured from the nearby machinery. Karkat's cardiovascular pump thudded in his chest as adrenaline and fear coursed through him. His throat was burning and his eyes were watering, but he forced his voice into another rasping shout. "Sollux! You enormous fucking grubmuncher, answer me!" Silence again met his call, save for the sparking machinery.

It wasn't supposed to have gone like this. Somehow everything had turned out for the better, despite all the death and despair that had nearly destroyed both teams of players. Everyone was alive and well, and even managing to not kill each other (again) thanks in large part—though Karkat hated to admit it even in the depths of his soul—to Egbert and his bottomless pit of optimism. Everything was _better_.

Yet somehow, even though all his mistakes had somehow been erased, Karkat hadn't been able to shake the guilt that had nearly crushed him as their presumed end and last hope had loomed before them. Not that anyone had really noticed; Karkat managed to drudge up a facsimile of his normal bluster, yelling in stubborn obtuseness at anyone he deemed to be heading once again for disaster. No one had noticed, that is, except Sollux. His on-again-off-again matesprit had regained both his sight and his lisp—the latter of which he'd spent an afternoon slurring swears about—and had apparently decided to be on-again. Karkat had given in, partially because Terezi had seemed to lose interest in their budding red feelings upon meeting Dave in all his lickability. Karkat wasn't sure if he was bitter about that, or relieved. Sollux, as much of a bastard as he could be, still made him feel calmer than he ever had with Terezi. And he'd needed that.

Sollux had noticed the increasing bouts of silence where Karkat had lost himself in self recriminating thoughts, about how he could have done things better, how much of a fuckup past Karkat had been, and how pathetic current Karkat was being. The yellow-blood had simply dragged Karkat out of the lab and into the vast and echoing maze of their newly built complex. Half of it was comprised from the base from the asteroid, the rest a conglomerate of human and troll technology that had resulted in a truly impressive mess of culture clash. Karkat had complained for the first ten minutes, before giving in and trudging behind Sollux in sullen silence.

Their journey had paused when they'd come across some of the ectobiology equipment Karkat recognized from the game, though it was defunct and silent in the gloomy room they'd found it in. More out of morbid nostalgia than real interest, Karkat had begun messing with the dark panels, remembering how he'd once created his friends and their ancestors. He hadn't cared then about the implications that act had on their lives, and that hadn't really changed. What had changed was that Karkat could remember Feferi lying dead across the pile of horns, and her tiny grub self latched gleefully onto his arm; Kanaya's cold lips on his own, and her warm, tiny body curled in the crook of his neck; Gamzee's tormented and mad eyes, and the guileless smile he'd had even so young. Sollux's voice had snapped him out of his musings, his quiet slur unpardonably loud in the still air.

_"You really shouldn't be touching that thtuff, KK."_

_"I know what I'm doing nookstain. I was the ectobiologist, not you." _

_"Anytime you get near a machine I fear for my life."_

The spark of irritation that welled in Karkat's chest was what caused him to slam his fist against the bright red button on the nearest panel. The sudden whir of electricity as the machine sprang to life was what caused the panic to seize his mind, freezing him in place as the screen flashed incomprehensible code across its surface. The pain-filled scream from Sollux—Sollux who had been standing on the materializer pad oh god why there of all places?—was what caused terror to swamp Karkat as he scrabbled desperately for his matesprit, before the machine had exploded.

Now Sollux wasn't answering him. Karkat choked on smoke and panic and what might have been tears. If he had killed Sollux again—yellow blood dripping from a slack jaw, a body draped artlessly across the hive floor, the sightless black holes in a face gone lax—Karkat wasn't sure he'd be able to live with himself. The hatred he already harbored for himself would boil over, consume him completely until he let the madness destroy him from the inside out.

He wheezed around a burning cough, his hands groping blindly for Sollux as he squinted through watering eyes. "Sollux…." A groan split the air, an oddly dual tone to it. It was the single most beautiful sound Karkat had ever heard. "Sollux! You complete and utter _moron_! Where the fu—" Karkat had to pause to hack out another cough. "_Fuck_ are you?"

"Don't get your lathe-lined pantieth in a twitht. _Shit_ that thtung…"

The smoke was finally clearing away, some vent high in the ceiling whirring to life and drawing the acrid smell and miasma away. The fan must have been messing with the acoustics in the room, because Sollux still sounded…odd. A strange hum around his voice that Karkat couldn't quite place. With reluctance, Karkat allowed the concealing haze to clear further, until he could make out the slumped form sprawled against the platform. Impatiently he launched himself forward, eager to reassure himself that Sollux was fine and unharmed. Fuck, past Karkat was a contemptible piece of trash.

In his haste, Karkat tripped over the raised step of the platform. He nearly performed a magnificent faceplant right into Sollux's lap, but thin arms reached up to his shoulders to stop his sudden descent. A second pair caught him around his waist from behind. With a yelp, Karkat jerked himself away from the other grip so quickly he ended up sprawled in Sollux's lap anyway. He barely noticed, too busy gaping at the _second_ Sollux who was kneeling on the platform, skin sticky with the residue of green-tinted slime.

The other Sollux had an odd look on his face, his brow creased but eyes wide. With a start Karkat noticed that both eyes were blue, shocking and strange without the glasses in the way. His gaze drawn inevitably downward, Karkat realized Sollux didn't have any clothes, either.

"SHIT FUCKING BULGE MUNCHING—"

"Calm down KK—"

"—BILE SPEWING HORRORTERROR HUMPING—"

"Ow! Shit, watch your elb—ow! KK!"

"—GRUB GROPING SON OF A MAGGOT INFESTED BITCH BEAST! FUCK!"

"Nithe to know you're thtill in good thpiritth," Sollux—the one whose lap Karkat had scrambled out of—muttered, one hand rubbing his stomach painfully.

"Jeguth KK," the other began, his arm also mimicking the movement though Karkat was absolutely positive he hadn't touched him in his panicked flailing.

It didn't help that both of them finished the sentence with one voice, so perfectly in synch that only a light buzz indicated that it was two voices instead of one. "Thith ith weird enough without your voithe making my ears bleed."

Karkat reacted in a measured, reasonable tone, as befit a leader. "This. This is _weird_? Oh my god, the fucking universe wasn't content with shoving a metal pole up my waste chute by making me put up with your intestine bludgeoning stupidity, it had to wrap it in fucking tinfoil and _twist_. WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE TWO OF YOU?" He panted for breath that wouldn't quite come around the tight knot in his throat, his fists balled at his side and back pressed against the wall.

He was ignored as the two Solluxes regarded each other silently. Both were covered in a thin coating of slime—as was Karkat from where he'd touched the…red (yes, the one with clothes on had two solid red eyes peaking over the bi-colored lenses of his glasses) Sollux. After a moment, the red Sollux reached up with one hand, the blue Sollux mimicking the movement for a beat before his arm froze, then lowered back to his side. The red Sollux continued the motion to pull the glasses off his face and set them aside. An identical smirk spread across both faces, and Karkat could feel the anger bubbling in his gut while his heart continued to pound from unspent adrenaline.

That feeling abruptly drained away to be replaced by burning embarrassment as the blue Sollux reached forward to pull the red's shoes off, the red reaching for the clasp of his pants and beginning to undo it. "W-what the fuck are you doing?" Karkat's voice came out higher pitched than he'd ever admit, and he could feel the heat lurking under his skin as a blush threatened.

"I know you're enjoying the show, KK, but I'm cold." The red Sollux said it in such a matter of fact voice that it nearly made up for the utter stupidity, as _he_ was the one clothed. Karkat spluttered incoherently as the blue Sollux pulled on the pants with a grimace for his slime covered skin, leaving the other in just his shirt and boxers. Once satisfied, both Solluxes rose to their feet, and Karkat was again struck by the odd duality of the movement. He immediately hated himself for it, sure that the bastard was enjoying the extension of his obsession with twos.

Something on his face must have still radiated his distress, because when the Solluxes turned to him, both their faces softened in a look that made Karkat's blood pump clench with the familiar feeling of pity. Fuck, he couldn't even tell which was _his_ Sollux, and the bastards weren't helping with the way they moved toward him as one. "Hey, KK, I'm okay," the blue Sollux said quietly, while the red one reached out a hand toward him.

Karkat flinched from the touch, more out of confusion than anything. "Fuck that. Ha ha, you had your brain rottingly funny bit of amusement at my expense, as always. Now which one is you, Sollux? The other is past you? Future you? Fuck you, you could have _warned_ me rather than making me think..." He trailed off angrily as both Solluxes adopted a confused expression.

"What are you talking about?" The question came from both of them. Karkat clenched his jaw tighter as Sollux continued to draw out his stupid prank.

"Did that fucker Strider put you up to it? Let you time hop around, because _of course_ fucking with Karkat is the funniest shit ever!" Karkat's voice rasped as his fury grew. He'd been worried he'd _killed_ Sollux. Now the bastard was just _standing _there, with that stupid blank look on his face he got when he was trying to figure out a difficult problem or piece of code, or when he claimed Karkat was 'being a thickheaded douche who made no thenthe'. "Well fuck you Captor! I don't need this shit right now! If you want to play your stupid games, do it with one of those LARPing assholes!"

Karkat tried to push past the pair to exit in righteous anger, but was thwarted by the four arms that wrapped around him. There were a few moments of awkwardness as both Solluxes tried to get their arms in the same space. A little maneuvering around Karkat's squirms for freedom fixed that, and Karkat found himself sandwiched between the two lean bodies in a tangle of limbs. He would deny to his dying day the thrill of heat that went through him. He wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction that his ploy was having any affect on him at all.

"You know, for thomeone who caused thith whole meth, it'th hardly fair to blame it all on me." Again with the fucking dual voices.

"Stop that!" Karkat snarled, trying to free his pinned arms to hit at least one of the Solluxes.

"Thtop what? Oh."

"Thorry KK. It'th kind of hard to remember, ehehehe." Karkat glared up at the blue Sollux who'd spoken. There was absolutely nothing funny about the situation at all. "What? Do you know how to thpeak with two mouths? I've had all of five minuteth to figure thith shit out."

"What are you blabbering on about now, idiot?" If Karkat focused on Sollux's face and ignored the body pressed into his other side, he could pretend this wasn't as screwed up as it was.

Unfortunately Sollux wasn't in the mood to be accommodating, because the red Sollux was the next one to speak. It was still better than when both did, at least. "Eehehe… The look on your fathe is pritheleth, KK." Karkat took vicious pleasure in stomping down as hard as he could on the nearest foot. It didn't matter which of them he hurt, since they both were obviously enjoying messing with him. Both Solluxes winced as Karkat ground his heel into the bare foot beneath it. "Shit! Look, I'm thorry, jeguth!" the red one swore, though by the shifting of the blue one's body it was him who was jerking his foot away from Karkat's shoes.

"Stop doing that!" Karkat hissed agitatedly.

"I will when you thtop being thuch a little bitch. You're not making any thenthe." Blue Sollux was speaking again. To Karkat's satisfaction, annoyance was leaking into his voice as well. It was better than his 0ptimistic tone he'd somehow kept a hold of even after regaining his sight. "Thith _ith_ me, dumbath."

Karkat snorted in disgust. "Who's not making sense now! You and your fucking body double or whatever the fuck he is can let go of me anytime and kindly find a deep hole to jump in, preferably lined with goddamn shards of glass so you rip your skin off on the way down."

The arm that was wrapped around his shoulders slid up, one of Sollux's hands tangling itself in Karkat's hair comfortingly, careful of his horns. Karkat growled lowly as he tried futilely to shake the hand off, however nice it felt. He was not in any mood for the offered reassurance. "Thinthe you are under thome form of deluthion or thomething, I'll be nithe and exthplain thith for you _onthe_."

"Fuck you too, Captor."

Despite Sollux's words, there was a mischievous grin on the face of the one Karkat was still trying to focus his attention on. "Charming. Thith—" An arm that was wrapped around his waist freed itself to wave in front of Karkat's face. It did not belong to the Sollux who was speaking. "—Ith my right hand. I gueth you could thay it'th my right-right hand. Thith—" Even as the arm wrapped itself around Karkat's waist again, thwarting his plans for his grand escape, the hand in his hair disentangled itself as blue Sollux wiggled his fingers in front of Karkat's face. "—Ith altho my right hand. But it'th my left-right hand, if we uthe that analogy."

Karkat gave Sollux a deadpan glare as he resisted the urge to bite the hand dangled so irritatingly close to his face. "Well, it finally happened. Your rotting thinkpan has become so damaged by the utter stupidity that drops from your mouth like nuggets of fossilized _bullshit_ that you have gone completely insane."

"Wath that too _difficult_ for you to underthtand?" Karkat didn't have any more warning before both Solluxes (or both pieces of Sollux, if the madtroll was to be believed) readjusted their hold on him. A hand was back in his hair, but this time the fingers scraped tantalizingly against the base of one horn. Karkat was pulled flush against the front of blue Sollux, red Sollux pressed insistently against his back as a thigh slipped between Karkat's legs. He tried to repress a shudder as red Sollux leaned in close, his breath heating over Karkat's ear as he murmured, "Thith ith my right mouth."

"And thith," blue Sollux tilted his head forward with a grin, "ith the mouth I'm going to shut you up with, KK."

Sollux's lips sealed over his, tongue sliding hot and slick into Karkat's mouth. Growling into the kiss, Karkat lashed his tongue out to meet Sollux's. Like hell he'd just give into Sollux's teasing without a fight. This time he was unable to repress the shiver as red Sollux used the opportunity to completely cheat by running his own tongue up Karkat's neck, teeth scraping lightly against the skin there. Sollux ended the kiss slowly, resting his forehead against Karkat's as he waited for Karkat to respond. Slight pressure on his shoulder told Karkat that Sollux had rested his chin there, and he could feel the tickling sensation where his hair brushed Karkat's neck.

Looking up into the solid blue eyes he could see, Karkat finally responded. "I never thought your eyes could be any freakier."

Sollux chuckled in return, both of him, the dual buzz vibrating against Karkat's chest and back pleasantly. His gaze strayed over to the pitted mess of twisted metal and exposed wires. "Thinthe you dethtroyed the machine pretty much, I gueth I'm thtuck like thith." Sollux heaved a melodramatic sigh, which was belied by the content smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Fuck you."

"…Ehehehe, that will be interethting too."

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**A/N: **

This was made for the HS Olympics, Sol(heart)Kar round. Sadly it was not picked. Happily it is such an awesome concept (and that damn 3000 word limit made me cry) that I am planning on continuing the shenanigans. ...Eventually. /sobs

Setting is a happy AU where everyone is alive again and not murderous or hateful toward each other (at least not fatally, orz), and canon will no longer be worried about. This is just supposed to be a quirkly little romantic shenanigans fic, with humor, probably a little angst, and then a bit more humor. Sexyness if I can swing it (I'm so bad at it maaan), and the cast being themselves.


End file.
